Adventures in Uncanny Columbia: Bioshock Infinite

Computer age preamble: may contain spoilers!

So I'm working my way (slowly) through Bioshock Infinite. For the most part, it's fun and well done and often beautiful, as the heaps of critical acclaim attest. However...

Where is this guy keeping a pineapple anyway? Perhaps it he had a pocketful of chunks or rings rather than the whole thing. In my scrounging, it seems that the diet of citizens of this city in the sky consists entirely of fruit, coffee, soda and deserts. (And hot dogs, maybe.)  I haven't yet found an insulin 'salt,' but perhaps that comes later in the game. (Nor have I found a pineapple that wasn't on a person. Where do they get them?)

Is he keeping the coffee in a flask? A wooden leg?

Found this filed under 'C,' I assume. At least that's where I'd file it. If cake was something that I filed.

Though most things are extremely detailed and purty (except boxes of fruit and veggies) in Columbia, sadly, you can't walk up the stairs to these beach shacks. You just can't. This reminded me of a lot of the furniture in Portal 2 -- you should be able to interact with it, but can't. It's the little things like this that make it hard for me to keep my suspension of disbelief going.

(Image from gosunoob.com, because I couldn't go back
 without losing my autosave.)

Life ain't nuthin' but cash and citrus! (So long as you have a lock box to keep 'em safe.)

The gentleman on the right ordered a hot dog for one Columbuck (or whatever their money is called, I forget), but the guy on the left never served it to him. I watched for about 20 minutes. Perhaps he finally did get served -- after the children of Columbia stopped twirling twirling twirling. 

As I wandered around, it became clear that lock boxes are the fashion accessory of the season in Columbia. Everyone was carrying them. (Don't tell the 'forever hungry' guy above, but this particular lock box contained... a hot dog.)

Though citizens were on the lookout for some things they consider criminal, no one ever to batted an eye as I rifled through the furniture, boxes and barrels of Columbia, robbing them blind.

This woman had to get out of the way so I could help myself to the loot in the drawer in front of her.

People just leave money everywhere in Columbia, and often just throw it away.

It was not a one-time occurrence. No wonder they didn't bat an eye as I ran around pilfering everything. They also love to discard ammunition in the trash cans. 

And though the people don't notice your theft, and there is obviously a hatful of Columbucks at my feet, I can't pick it up. It's fake money, just like the beach shack stairs.

I love pears as much as the next guy (though not quite as much as the people I've met in the game), but somehow this just doesn't seem appetizing. I'll stick to getting food from file cabinets, thanks!

It's kind of hard to see as this picture is dark but among the cool stuff I found scrounging around in a side area (whilst I was supposed to be rushing to save Elizabeth) was this violin case that was holding... cake. A Portal reference?

Speaking of Elizabeth, what is her hat size anyway? It seems freakishly large. Perhaps that's an important part of the story, that I'll find out further on...

A few other things I didn't grab screenshots of:

• Though the loading screens repeatedly invite me to retrieve weapons dropped by fallen enemies, some guns are pick-uppable, some are not. 
• Parts of this game are on rails. Literally.

More 'adventures' soon!

Comments for Mom's Award-Winning Turkey Chili Recipe

Submitter comment: Mom's been making this chili for us every fall as long as I can remember. This year, I made the chili with her, taking careful notes so I could make it myself whenever I wanted. I thought it was too good not to share -- hope you enjoy it!

*Love* this recipe. I make it the day before every football game, and it's perfect. Go Vikings!

Too spicy.

My family loves this chili! I use jalapenos instead of a habanero pepper and it's just the right flavor for me.

I've made this chili on several occasions, and it's perfect every time. I substitute 2 lbs of ground chuck for the turkey and add only half of the beans (I share the same bed as my husband, after all!) and it's wonderful.

Great chili. I made it with 3 lbs of stew beef I had in the fridge and didn't add the chili peppers as I have issues with heartburn and it came out fine. Recommend it to anyone.

A family favorite!

One star. I tried it, but found it to be bland. I don't know what's wrong with all the others here bitching about how hot it is. I much prefer Mom's Famous Turkey Chili recipe -- now that's some chili!

This chili has become a tradition with me. I make it at least once every fall. It's perfect. I like to substitute a pound each of ground chicken and bison to liven up the flavor. And rather than habaneros, I throw in a couple of chipotle chilies instead. The hot chocolate mix tends to balance out the hotness of the peppers, but I've found that dark cocoa works just as well. And I like to add a few pinches of cinnamon before it simmers. You can't go wrong with this recipe -- it's a winner!

Sarah: this is your mother. I can't believe you shared my recipe with the whole world. I should've known that there was a reason you were copying the recipe down. You haven't cooked a damn thing in your life. Please take this down immediately. You have no right.

Has anyone tried it with venison instead of turkey? I'm looking for a good venison chili recipe, help!

I made it with apple juice instead of the beer the recipe calls for (long story, but doc tells me I need to "lay off the sauce" - lol). It makes pretty good chili, though other recipes are much better.

A veggie version of this is easy (and healthier, and kinder!) I substituted a pkg of tofu crumbles for the meat, and added some chopped up carrots and squash too. And, of course, I subbed veggie stock for the beef. Good stuff -- I'll def make it again.

I was skeptical when I saw that it calls for 'regular' chili powder rather than authentic chili powder from Mexico, but after making it, I was won over. Rather than cooking it on a stove, I put all of the ingredients except the beans and peppers in a crock pot for six hours, and it was delicious. Try it with Mexican chili powder, and you'll be won over to!!!

Sarah: Mom again. Two weeks have passed and this is still up? It's my recipe, TAKE IT DOWN NOW OR FACE REPERCUSSIONS. Christmas will be here soon, so you'll see me even if you keep ignoring my phone calls.

Submitter comment: mods, please remove the above 'reviews' mentioning Sarah. I have no idea who this woman is.

D*mn good chili!

Very tasty, but *extremely* spicy. Teflon stomachs only for this one. Two stars only because the others spontaneously combusted!

Sarah: don't make me pursue legal action. You know how that went last time. And I thought we put all of this behind us. Turned over a new leaf and all that?

Just perfect as-is. Thanks Sarah. Or her Mom. Or whoever came up with this recipe. Superb!

Another week gone by. I'm waiting, Sarah...

In the recipe it says '2 medium onions,' how big is medium? Does it matter which kind of onions? Anyone know?

Submitter comment: mods, though I have no idea who the person is claiming to be my mother, please remove this recipe and close my account.

On the next episode of The Walking Dead...

Tensions are high in the group as the survivors continue debate on whether or not to keep searching for the little girl, missing now for 9 episodes and presumably a teenager. Meanwhile, outside the farm, the zombies start offing themselves out of sheer boredom. It's an episode not to miss of AMC's The Walking Dead...

Inside the Creative Process: American Horror Story

Today in Jet Packs has this transcript* from the writer’s room of American Horror Story, which reveals how the new hit FX series came together. Note: contains spoilers.


We’re gonna make the scariest show on TV.

The scariest show on TV. Ever.

That’s what FX wants, and what they’re gonna get.

And they’re giving us free reign to do what we want.

We’ve got the budget, and we can go all out.

This is a show for adults.

So let’s get going. What’s scary?

An old house. A Creepy old house that’s been around forever.

That the seller bought cheap for some reason...

We’ll get back to that. It should have a scary yard.

A cemetery perhaps?

And a creepy basement.

With jars of formaldehyde.

Floating body parts in the jars!

And preserved animals

And fetuses. fetuses are freakin’ scary.

What else makes the house creepy?

How about this: a horrible murder took place there.

We can do better: horrible murders took place there.

Throughout history!
The old house would be scarier if it had creepy paintings in it.

Yeah -- paintings that the people that live there could discover.

Really fucked-up shit -- stuff that no one in their right mind would paint.

Much less hang in their living rooms... unless they were really creepy people.

And the family just moved into the house and is discovering all of this creepy shit as we are.

Like a creepy attic! We could put something scary up there.

How about some bondage gear -- that is scary and sexy at the same time. And you know that anything goes fon this network. [Laughs.]

Awesome. It’s all really coming together now. What about the peo... heh the victims?

It’s a family... with secrets.

Secrets are scary.

A mother and father with some teenage kids.

A daughter, for sure.

The daughter could be bullied at school -- bullies always scared me!

And the husband is a shrink, who always talks to people about scary stuff. Really off-the-wall twisted stuff.

And one of his patients can be a freaky kid who always talks about gruesome things and killing himself.

And he... he...

He can be the boyfriend of the daughter! And they can talk about scary things together.

...And he can talk to the Dad both about scary things -- and sexy things with his daughter.

Whoah. That is scary.

Do we need a cat? Cats always freak me out.

I dunno....

Cats are kind of cliched in horror, I think. But we should have some creepy neighbors. Neighbors that stalk them...

Or just keep showing up, unwelcome, and telling them creepy things.

Like?

“I’m gonna kill you.”

I don’t know if that makes a lot of sense unless we really flesh out their stories.

OK, how about “You’re gonna die.”

Bingo!

They could also meet former occupants of the house. But how could they be scary?

Perhaps they could be.... horribly maimed!

We should also have a creepy old butler.

Not a butler -- that’s a little too old school. How about a maid? A maid that’s been there forever and worked for some of the other scary occupants of the house.

Sounds like she’d be old. Is there a way we could make her sexy too?

I’m sure we could figure something out. Is sexy scary? I get confused...

Nope, but it’s cool in its own way.

Did I mention that there’s a monster in the basement?

Let’s make sure we shoot it all in a way so it looks as freaky as can be. Lots of jump cuts, quick edits -- stuff like that.

This is great -- we’ve got so many ideas now. Enough for the first season, at least...

First season? This is all going into the pilot.

Everything in this needs to be scary -- off-the-hook scary.

Let’s pick out only the scariest things on the list, and get the script done!

It’s gonna be awesome -- I can’t sleep already!


*Not really. This is a complete fabrication.

My Contributions to the Meme...

Exclusive: Arcade Fire Returns Grammy Award

The Arcade Fire, hours before returning their awards. (Photo: andysternberg/Flickr)

In response to the outpouring of outrage across the internet, members of the Arcade Fire returned their Album of the Year Grammy award less than 12 hours after receiving it. "The people have spoken," said lead vocalist Win Butler. "It's true -- nobody knows who we are, so how could we possibly have created an album worthy of the award?"

"My parents don't even know that I'm in a band," added multi-instrumentalist and singer Régine Chassagne.

Though the largely unknown band was nominated for Best Alternative Music Album Grammys in 2005 and 2008, this is the first time they were nominated -- and won -- Album of the Year.

"It just doesn't make any sense," Butler said, "So we've returned our award in hope that the committee would present it to someone more deserving. Perhaps if our next critically acclaimed album is commercially successful enough, it may be worth considering."

"We appreciate the rightly dismissive millions of you who don't know us for inspiring us to do the right thing," Butler stated. "Besides, have you listened to Teenage Dream? Any single song on that album has a lot more to say about life today than The Suburbs does in its entirety."